7pm – 10:30pm
This entry is the transcript of a conversation through an audio recording.
H: Haizad HS: Hasyimah SS: Syimah Sabtu
S: Sharul XJ: Xiao Jun A: Adi
(Start of transcript)
H: Okay, so we’re gonna talk about love. We gonna relate to the state of being romantic right.
XJ: Should we have candles?
HS: We have, we have candles that can last 25 hours. Eh let’s talk in the dark.
SS: That’ll be nice.
XJ: It’ll be romantic, right?
HS: Should we take off clothes?
S: Where’d that come from?
HS: Adi come join us, you can also share.
S: Beside me, come.
(Lights up candle, switches off lights)
H: Okay so first question, or maybe this is the only question, just want you to share: how romantic are you?
All: HUH?! (HS exclaiming the loudest)
SS: I think we should let her go first.
S: We should take the test, there’s a website where you…
XJ: The love languages right? The five love languages.
H: Okay, uh, how romantic are you; I just want you to share with me, whether this is before you are in whatever relationship, meaning you are pursuing it or already are in a relationship. Recall back your personal encounters. This romantic aspect, don’t think about the result, or what’s the thing you did or how you feel about it. Detach the result part, rejection etc. You felt like the most romantic moment in your life. Don’t relate to your family, relate to your love partner.
SS: It could be at any point of your life that you felt like that was the most romantic part of your life?
H: Ya. But in love relationship, like really not family or cat or whatever.
SS: My cat is offended.
XJ: My bed is offended/affected.
(Moment of silence as everyone recalls)
H: Even if you have a heart of stone, so what is the most romantic, how romantic are you?
HS: Can be more than one?
H: Choose one.
SS: This is terrible man.
XJ: But it depends on what is your definition of romantic too.
S: I don’t feel it if I’m the giver, if I’m receiving then it touches my heart more.
H: Not you as a receiver. At the moment you cannot tell, or you don’t care this is a cheesy moment or what, it’s as if someone is going down on one knees to ask to marry, that romantic, or you surprise someone with I don’t know, chocolate cake, you know, just recall and tap on this feeling.
HS: I think when I feel romantic, I don’t really care whether the person like it or not, but it makes me feel good about myself.
H: So what is it?
HS: And actually my romantic-ness is very outward, I want everybody to know that I will do anything for the person. So I think my most romantic was when I planned a birthday party, and I invited everybody that my partner didn’t like, but I just invited anyway. It’s people who I want to show that I am very romantic, so it’s a bit cynical. I thought I was doing the most romantic thing.
H: Meaning for you romantic is to get everyone involved.
HS: Yeah. I thought I was very romantic.
H: (To the rest) Very difficult right?
HS: Oh, I also thought it’s romantic when I cause pain to myself.
H: That is not romantic…that is suffering.
HS: It’s romantic to me.
SS: But must be with someone else.
HS: Together, we both got tattoos at the same time.
H: That one is…tension.
HS: It’s my definition of romantic what, not yours right. It’s a romantic thing that we both did.
HS: (After some silence) How about putting chocolate on my nipples?
H: You need to know the lines between…that is desire. Okay for now you keep quiet, actually [supposed to hear from] these three, not you.
XJ: That’s more sexual than romantic, no?
HS: I think it’s romantic putting chocolate…
SS: Okay wait, it does make sense if it’s romantic that she does that for the other person.
S: Because the guy like to suck your nipple, with chocolate.
HS: So then it’s romantic right?
XJ: But roman-...okay let’s try to define this a bit. Does romantic evoke a sexual desire?
HS: Because romantic does create a link to that, for me.
H: Yeah…okay try…it does evoke, but that’s secondary. So I want you to really think from your heart, you this because of love, of you being in love.
S: I got one, I will only be romantic or invested and go through the problems the person goes through, and I find that romantic. Meaning that is me as a person, let’s say, my romance is where I go through your troubles with you, like legit go through and I feel like that burden is my burden. When a soul was through a series of choreographic problems, or a series of being pinned down by Mdm Som, I feel what he’s going through, and it hurts me and I will solve the problem as if it’s mine. Then probably that’s how I gauge whether I would want to put in my heart and soul into it. Like I could have been dating anyone, or it is at an early part of the relationship, and we are already together, but I don’t want to go through that mount for you. That’s where I know whether I love you enough or not.
SS: Actually mine same as his, the part where you actually share the load or you wouldn’t mind going through the extra mile with them. An example, and I still do it now, regardless of what happened between me and Jonit, up until today I have a very good relationship with the mother; to take off the weight off Jonit, because they don’t communicate well. And even up till today, no matter what happened between me and Jonit, we don’t talk anymore, but I would still talk on her behalf to her mum.
HS: Why do you put yourself through that though?
XJ: I think that is romantic.
SS: Not romantic, but that gesture to me, is because I look beyond whatever shit she has done to me.
HS: And it’s not solving the problem at all though.
SS: I know, but I did it out of care and love.
XJ: But is that romantic to you?
SS: I think that is romantic even as friends or even you know, after being partners.
HS: Still going through it, in a way.
SS: Even if she doesn’t know, that to me is romantic.
HS: Like when the person don’t know, that is romantic to you.
SS: Even if she knows, that is romantic.
HS: I know my one already.
SS: I thought you shared already?
HS: After hearing from you all, I think…mine is through holding hands.
H: Me also. It takes a lot of…courage to PDA, to be holding hands. Then to me the extreme is kissing the forehead. So that’s why when I kissed on our wedding day, kissing Hasyimah on the forehead, everyone was like, “Wah,” like Cinderella husband already.
HS: He cried on the wedding day.
SS: When you take the akad nikah or…
H: Throughout the whole wedding I cried. But it’s something…
HS: I don’t know whether regret or…
SS: But really, you cried throughout the wedding?
H: Yeah, it’s on tape. Even the cameraman had to come to me and like, “I understand I understand you.”
H: Actually I cried not because of [Hasyimah], I cried because of my mother, because she cried first. But I also like, I think the feeling of being romantic, I like to share, I like to tell the person, “This is my…this is who I am,” through song, so what I like to do is to compile, do a playlist, then I burn into a CD and give. So I thought that was romantic. I don’t care whether they like the song or not.
XJ: Like your feelings…
H: Yeah because she don’t like all the songs that I give.
HS: Like “Siak ah, siapa burn CD sia,” like burn CD and give, it’s not even a disc.
H: Got Bob Marley etc.
HS: But I didn’t get his signal. I was too stupid.
All: (Asks about XJ)
XJ: I’m trying to recall, because it’s so far away. I don’t really remember a lot of things, but I don’t say. My love language is definitely not words.
H: I think your love language is gifts ah, like receiving gifts.
XJ: I think the most romantic thing that I did was, a physical act I did, was I actually last time the messages (SMS) can save, I saved every message that the person sent me that made me feel touched, like made me feel loved, and I wrote everything down. So it was like 200-300 pieces of shit, and then I gave it to him.
H: Old school, this one.
XJ: Then another thing is like, I usually draw, I draw portraits of the person.
A: I can’t remember…
H: Actually Malay boys are very creative in romance, because usually no money. How they go out etc…
A: I make things, especially for birthdays, I tend to make things rather than buy things. After a while I think my heart got colder.
HS: Maybe it got harder.
H: Is there any difference, then and now, when being romantic?
HS: Yeah, last time in primary school, I really wrote love letter to every guy I like.
H: Then in the jar got star star and all that?
All: (Exchanges memories of helping friends to fold, squishing the stars etc)
HS: So, I had this guy that I liked, his name was Hashim, which is like half my name, so [thought] it’s like fated to be me, he was very handsome. So there was this one time, I was eating chicken curry…because the day before, I was a prefect, so as prefect you have to stay at the canteen line right, telling them to stand in a straight line, and I was a prefect with a notebook, then [I asked him to], “Eh, straight line…for you,” then I passed him a letter the day before. I asked him to meet me at the soccer there to like say hello, have a drink, drink Milo together or something. But the next day, I was so stressed, I was eating chicken curry, he come, then he was walking towards me, I ran out of school, to the block outside. He like messaged me, “Where are you?” and I told him I was in the toilet but actually I ran out of school, don’t know why, I was so so scared of being rejected, I suppose, at a young age. So the moral of the story is, I think last time, writing letters was enough to express. As I got older, I think I had to do more romantic gestures just to bring my point across. And then at one point of time in my life it was all about money, so I got involved with a partner who loved me because of money. So my romantic gesture was always folding money with rubber bands and throwing it out the window, that was romantic for me.
H: Thank you. So in this romantic notion, the moments in life, your romantic moments in life, relating to love, what you feel love is, but then we don’t think of puppy love, we feel that this “could be it”, that you were sure of that romantic feeling. I think it’s easier for me because I always…the best moment is the wedding, so I want you to…if there is a song that you relate to, or once upon a time you always...a love song, a romantic song where really evokes you, gives you goosebumps even up till now.
S: I think how it’s related to the song is how is the connection of the song between you and the person.
H: “The song that describes our love”. But be careful, if right now that song, once upon a time to you it used to be romantic but now it’s like “meh” then that’s not considered it already. A romantic love song.
XJ: That you still feel romantic now after…
HS: I have; All My Life by Casey & Jojo.
S: I got; Beyonce – Love Me Flaws & All. It’s a sad romantic.
H: For me, this romantic song, this love song, it even played during our wedding, when you walked down the aisle, under the block: Nora Jones – Come Away.
SS: Is it a part of the song that you like, or is it the whole song that you like? Because some people get very attracted to just that part.
H: Okay, for you is it just a part, for your case? Like throughout the whole song, only one part is romantic for you, maybe Oops I Did It Again, just the “oops” part.
SS: I’m still thinking…
XJ: I just remembered a romantic act I did. So I was part of a band in university days, I was singing. Then I actually invited my then boyfriend to come and listen because those songs are songs that I wanted to sing to him but, he didn’t care, he was talking to his other friends. Angst.
HS: I think this one need to prepare emergency case, in case trauma comes back.
SS: I have two songs, by John Legend: Ordinary People, and Conversations In The Dark.
A: I have a love song and a lovemaking song.
All: (Erupts in excitement, Haizad “tries to restore order”)
A: All Or Nothing, by Old Town. Lovemaking: Versace On The Floor.
H: You have to choose one, the most romantic for you.
XJ: Mine is a Chinese song.
H: Yeah, that’s fine.
XJ: It’s by a Singaporean singer, Tanya, it’s called (translated) It’s Amazing To Be Able To Love Me.
H: Okay with these songs that you have chosen, I want you to relate it to your happiest moment, of you in love or falling in love, Cloud 9.
S: My most happiest moment is when you cry, you know, tears of joy. Like you are so sad, that you can cry because you are so happy, you know that it will not last forever.
(Break as Haizad answers a call)
H: So you have your love song, so hopefully it’s your most favourite love song of all time, like every time you listen to this you like…you feel romantic. And then think of the moment that you are really really in love, nothing can stop you. So what I want you to do, we have the karaoke machine there, so I want you to sing your love song and relive this moment, this memory. So we will go one by one, the rest will sit here and watch you sing. So if can, go to YouTube and find the minus one song. I want you to be honest to yourself and be in love and sing the song with jiwang.
XJ: We can see the different types of jiwang-ness.
H: Okay so you already know the song, you can like take turns.
All: (Open numbers to decide order of singing and sets up)
(End of transcript)
The collaborators then proceeded to carry out the task for the rest of the rehearsal.